I See You December 18, 2014

ωhat are we here for? ωhat am I here for?             

Maybe you have asked yourself stuff of this nature. It can feel like trying to run from ourselves while such questions haunt us, hungry ghosts closing-in. We may be doing very noble things here on the planet, or we may be living a life of continual actions we do not really want to be taking. In either case and in every possibility in between, often times we can find ourselves feeling like it is a useless cause, this human existence thing, this strange dichotomy of life in a body with needs, wants and desires.  How can we know joy if we never know sorrow?

Have you ever taken a real and honest look at yourself? When you ask this question of ‘yourself,’ what comes up, welcome or unwelcome? For what is the self, really? Is it our body, our thoughts, what we do, our family, our job, our undertakings? We are seemingly complex creatures in an even more complex cosmos, often doing quite mundane-feeling things.

But, the world is waking up. Are you? Do you care to awaken from the deeper dream? If you were to honestly stop and look in the mirror, look at yourself beyond the shell, what you do, what your beliefs are, what drives you … could you handle what comes? Will you pretend to know it all? Perhaps this is where addiction comes from, and there is so much to be addicted to, so many possible diversions in this odd, choice-laden multi-verse of existence.

We can be addicted to drama, sex, drugs, booze, cigarettes, work, each other, endless seeking, the list goes on and on. The initial problem with self-awareness is that we become aware of ourselves. Inherent in self-realization is the seedling of responsibility to begin living our lives in a way that has true value. It is difficult to let go of vices, this I have learned first-hand. In all the addiction that has seemed to plague me, it was not until fairly recently that a hidden spring of truth within began to make itself known. In fact, it was through stifling addiction and the intense g-force downward spiral threatening to rip me to pieces that somehow the strength was found to look in the mirror and ask myself the most difficult questions of this lifetime:

What am I for?

How useless I had always felt! Maybe you can relate. It was here, in utter despair, that I began to realize a more capable power could be allowed to flow through instead of trying so hard and feeling like a failure at every turn. It was only me that made that failure-prophecy come true, for sure. But, it does not have to take this kind of despair to realize surrender of the old ways and allow our true Self to lead. For someone like me, an extreme ego-maniac, it did take the great despair. The trick for me: I did not know I was living as this kind of person until the willingness to ask the life-changing questions did come:

Who am I?

When we set out to live our life for a greater good, we find the ability to forgive. But forgive what? What a gift was that precious desperation. When one engages the sincere undertaking of asking these more difficult and fundamental questions, the answers just come, as if they were simply awaiting an invitation. The answers are always there and always will be, deep inside, encoded within the very essence of our being. They are only obscured and atrophied by functions of a smaller-self.

So often, we see people who portray an image of cockiness or self-sureness, of having ‘it’ all-together, or knowing everything about everything. (I can relate.) But this is often a masquerade ball, a racket, a smoke screen diversion to mask the real issue of not having a clue and feeling so lost, alone, not worth-while – of not belonging.

It is through the simple admission that we are lost and need help that often shifts an entire life’s course. When we choose to learn what we are for, it feels like finding a worthy and true path. Nothing has ever felt more like being home than finding purpose deep within the core of my being and then choosing to find this within others. Honestly enquiring, I have never not found a unified spirit, no matter how distressing the disguise through which I am looking may at first appear.

We all have profound purpose, a divine gift, a well-spring of talent. Will you look and find yours? Will you share it with the world and become what you are?

Thank You

Available Now!

A Thousand Screaming Monkeys

by Kevin A. Hart

Kevin’s story begins in a treacherous place, a state of mind and body so hideous that he practically invites getting his head blown clean-off by a double-barrel. 

Read more


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